Completing Your Husband

As women after God's heart, we are to make our husband our #1 human priority.  When I say that we should complete our husband I am referring to the fact that we are to be the woman that our husband needs us to be.

For our challenge this week to make our husbands a priority, I have included some suggestions for you to consider:

One of the suggestions is to make meals that he likes. I actually already do this a lot. In my housekeeping notebook, I have a tab labeled kitchen. What is your husband's favorite meal or meals? How about trying to make his favorite meal once or twive a week? 
If one of his favorites is something difficult and timely to make like homemade ice cream, how about making it on a monthly basis.  Isn't he worth the extra effort?

Another suggestion is to involve yourself in his favorite activities.  Does he enjoy playing video games, or watching a baseball game?  Maybe it's something simple like sitting out on the patio for an hour in the evening watching the birds feed.

Love Encourages

Marriage has a way of altering our vision.  We go in expecting our husband to fulfill our hopes and to make us happy.  Unrealistic expectations breed disappointment and the higher your expectations are the more likely your spouse will fail you and cause you much frustration.

Divorce is nearly inevitable when people refuse to allow their spouse to be human. 

You must choose to live by encouragement rather than by expectations.

Strengthen ye the weak hands, and confirm the feeble knees. - Isaiah 35:3

Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.  Now we exhort you, brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men. - 1 Thessalonians 5:11, 14

Make a commitment to daily let go of unrealistic expectations and become your spouse's greatest encourager.  The person they're created by God to be will begin to emerge with new confidence and love for you.

Task:  Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home.  Think of one area where your spouse has told you you're expecting too much, and tell them you're sorry for being so hard on them about it.  Promise them you'll seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love.

Love Intercedes

Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth. - 3 John 1:2

You cannot change your spouse.  That is what most couples spend a large part of their time trying to do -- change their spouse.

If you follow each of the steps we have been talking about you will see your marriage begin to bloom in front of your own eyes.  It may take weeks.  It may even take years, but regardless you are nurturing your relationship and by depending on God you will see results.

Turn your complaints about your husband into prayers and watch the Master work.  Begin praying for what your husband needs.  Pray for his heart, his attitude, his responsibilities before God.  Pray for truth to replace lies.  Pray for forgiveness to replace bitterness.  Pray for a geniune breakthrough in your marriage.  Then pray for your heart's desires -- for love and honor to become the norm.

Task:  Begin praying today for your husbands's heart.  Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your husband's life and in your marriage.

Love is Honorable

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.  - 1 Peter 3:7

To honor someong means to give them respect and high esteem, to treat them as being special and of great worth.  When you speak to them, you keep your language clean and understandable.  You are courteous and polite.  When they speak to you, you take them seriously, giving their words weight and significance.  When they ask you to do something, you accomodate them if at all possible, simply out of respect for who they are.

Honoring your husband means giving him your full attention, not talking from behind a book or with one eye on the television.  When a decision is being made that affects both of you, you give your husband's voice and opinions equal influence in your mind.  You honor what they have to say.

You should give honor to your husband even if he doesn't reciprocate.  This is how you create an atmosphere for love to be a beauty of honor.

Task:  Choose a way to show honor and respect to your husband that is above your normal routing.  It could be putting his clothes away for him or the way you listen and speak in your communication.  Show him that he is highly esteemed in your eyes.

Love is Not Jealous

Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. - Song of Solomon 8:6

Jealousy is one of the strongest drives known to man.  It comes from the root word for zeal meaning to burn with an intense fire.

Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy?  - Proverbs 27:4

When you were married, you were given the role of becoming your husband's biggest cheerleader and the captain of his fan club.  It is time to let love, humility, and gratefulness destroy any jealousy that springs up in your heart.  It's time to let your husband's successes draw you closer together and give you greater opportunities to show geniune love.

Purpose to determine to become your husband's biggest fan and reject any thoughts of jealousy.

Task:  Take your negative list, to help you focus on this task, and discreetly burn or destroy it.  Then share with your husband how glad you are about a success he recently enjoyed.

Love Believes the Best

Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. - 1 Corinthians 13:7

Picture your heart as having deep and private corridors.  There are two rooms in these corridors, an Appreciation Room and a Depreciation Room. 

The Appreciation Room is where our thoughts go when we encounter positive and encouraging things about our husband.  These may include thoughts like hones, intelligent, diligent worker, wonderful cook, beautiful eyes, etc.  When you think about these thoughts your appreciation for your husband increases.

The Depreciation Room is where your negative thoughts are stored.  These thoughts includes weaknesses, failures, bad habits, hurtful words, poor decisions, etc.  If you stay in this room long enough, you will get depressed and angry and start having thoughts like "My husband is so selfish", "My husband can be such a jerk.", or "I think I married the wrong person."

Spending time in the Depreciatin Room kills marriages.  It doesn't matter if these things are true, so are the things in the Appreciation Room!

Settle into the Appreciation Room and make it your home.  Meditate on the positives and you will learn many more wonderful qualities of your husband.

You must develop a habit of reigning in your negative thoughts and focus on the positive attributes of your husband!  This is a decision you should make, whether they deserve it or not.

Task:  Get two pieces of paper.  On one sheet write all the negative things you can think of regarding your husband.  On the second sheet write all the positive things you can think of regarding your husband.  Place both sheets in your private journal.  We have a purpose for each later on. 

Purpose:  At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the list you created and thank your husband for having this characteristic.

Love is thoughtful

How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee. - Psalm 139: 17-18

Love thinks.  It's not a mindless feeling that rides on waves of emotion and falls asleep mentally.  It keeps busy in thought, knowing that loving thoughts precede loving actions.

When you first met your husband, you spent many hours dreaming of him and the things you talked about and did together.  Things tend to change after we get married.  We let our focus change to our jobs, friends, problems, personal desires, etc.

Love requires thoughtfulness -- on both sides --  the kind that builds bridges through the constructive combination of patience, kindness, and selflessness.  Love teaches us how to meet in the middle, to respect and appreciate how our husband uniquely thinks.

When was the last time you spent a few minutes thinking about how you could better understand and demonstrate love to your husband?

Purpose to contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day.  Have no agenda other than asking how they are doing and if there is anything you could do for them.

Love is not selfish

Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;  - Romans 12:10

We live in a world that is enamored with "self."  Our culture around us teaches us to focus on our appearance, feelings, and personal desires as the top priority.  The goal, it seems, is to chase the highest level of happiness possible.  The danger from this kind of thinking is that it becomes painfully apparent once inside a marriage relationship.

Why do we have such low standards for ourselves but high expectations for our spouse?  We are selfish.

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; - 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

Ask yourself these questions:

• Do I truly want what's best for my husband?
• Do I want them to feel loved by me?
• Do they believe I have their best interests in mind?
• Do they see me as looking out for myself first?

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. - Philippians 2:3

Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you.  It's hard to care for something you are not investing in.

Purpose to buy your husband something that says, "I was thinking of you today."

Love is Kind

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. - Ephesians 4:32

Kindness is love in action.  If patience is how love reacts in order to minimize a negative circumstance, kindness is  how love acts to maximize a positive circumstance.

Kindness creates a blessing; it is proactive.  Kindness makes you likeable.

Four core ingredients to kindness are gentleness, helpfulness, willingness, and initiative.

Purpose to say nothing negative to your husband today.  Also, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

Love Takes Delight

You should not just follow your heart. You should lead it.


Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do. Just be together.

Sweet Things To Do for Your Husband

Spend lots of time dreaming together. There is something about merging our hopes and dreams for the future with someone else's.  I encourage you to have a dream for the next year of your marriage, another for the next five years, and another for the next 10 years.

Accentuate physical affection. Do you and your husband regularly hug, hold hands, smooch, nuzzle, and walk arm in arm? Touching is a ready-made reservoir of relational energy and intimacy.

Place a high priority on laughter and levity. Laughing together creates a magical bond. When you and your husband find humor in the same thing, you are fused together at that moment. Relive funny events from your lives, swap stories, watch wacky movies together — whatever makes you laugh, do it often.

Regularly communicate your mutual significance to each other. Look for every opportunity to tell your husband, "You are the most important person in my life." You can convey this verbally, in writing, or through acts of kindness.

This can be something small like bringing home your husband’s favorite ice cream or buying him a book with a touching inscription inside. These small gestures assure him that he is in your thoughts when you're apart, and this draws you closer to each other.

Eat by candlelight. It doesn’t matter if it’s a Domino’s pizza or a five-course gourmet meal, candles can present a very special atmosphere. Have you ever eaten pizza by candlelight? Try it! You’ll be surprised at how romantic it really is!

Pay attention when your husband mentions things he or she likes or expresses interest in something that could make a good gift, such as a new CD, a book, or theater, concert, sports tickets.

Be on the lookout for ideas for birthday, holiday, and anniversary gifts, plus "no reason" surprise gifts. It's very flattering to know that someone really tried to find a gift that was just what you wanted.

Frequently offer foot massages, shoulder massages, and full-body massages to your husband. You'll get plenty of brownie points in your "relationship bank account" if you keep some great-smelling lotion handy and take ten minutes to massage your husband's tired feet at the end of a long work day.

Note: Don't do these things expecting to be rewarded for your efforts, you won't accumulate any points for being romantic. Do this unselfishly!

Giving sweet cards and letters to your husband can be another way to show him that you are thinking of him, as can emails and phone messages that share your feelings. Handwritten letters sent through the mail are becoming more and more of a rarity. That's good for you because that means your husband will think you're really thoughtful for taking the time to write a letter of love by hand and mailing it. That will make more of an impact than just sending an email.

Pamper and spoil your husband. That might be letting him sleep in late while you watch the kids, or it could be telling your husband to sit down and relax while you clean up after dinner.

The key is in the delivery of the offer. You might say, "Nothing's too good for my sweetheart" or "It's fun to pamper you." You can accompany your words with a hug or kiss.

Talking in front of your husband to someone else about your his good points is a nice thing to do. Take full advantage of opportunities to say, 'I'm so lucky to have such a supportive husband - he's such a treasure. I'm a lucky woman."

You can also do this when you're talking on the phone. It doesn't have to be done in his presence.  We should always be lifting our husband's up!  Never tear down your husband to others.  Remember to not only love your husband, but to like him as well!

Surprise your husband with a framed picture of the two of you in a setting that will bring back pleasant memories. Another option is to frame a picture of your husband that shows him in a flattering way and let them know how much you love the photo. Keep it on your nightstand, computer, dresser, or desk and let your him see you looking at it admiringly.

We talked about taking surprise getaways. Why don’t you take the initiative to plan a surprise weekend outing? Call and make all the arrangements ahead of time. The outing doesn't have to be expensive or complex. It might be as simple as planning a picnic at a nearby scenic spot. You might prepare the surprise picnic lunch when your husband is in the shower. Or you might make arrangements for a restaurant to pack a gourmet lunch for the two of you that you could pick up on your way out of town.

Celebrate every occasion you can think of:  the anniversary of the day you met, when you became engaged, your marriage anniversary, your birthdays, and anything else you can come up with.

Love fights fair

Remember, love is not a fight, but it is always worth fighting for.


Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your spouse is not ready for this, write out your own personal rules to "fight" by.  Resolve to abide by them when the next conflict occurs.

If your spouse participated with you, what was their response. What rules did you write for yourself.

Love Cherishes

"It's time to let love change your thinking."


What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Choose a gesture that says "I cherish you" and do it with a smile.

Love is Unconditional

"No longer say 'I love you because....' Say 'I love you period.' "


"Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse. Something that proves (to you and them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage"


Has your love in the past been based on your spouses attributes and behavior or on your committment? How can you continue to show love when it's not returned in a way you hope for?

Love is Patient

Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your toungue than to say something you'll regret.

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:  - James 1:19

Great Story

I am a big fan of Debbie Macomber and I recently started reading her latest book "God's Guest List".  The first story she tells really hit home with me and I felt that it would be a great story to share with our ladies study group Wednesday night.  So here it goes...

She tells of a lady who has gone to heaven and meets St. Peter at the gates of heaven.  He begins to give her a tour of heaven and she is in awe of all the beautiful sights.  After they have toured all of heaven she realizes there is one room they have not entered.  She asks St. Peter what is behind that door and he tells her that she has no need for what is in that room.  She persists until St. Peter opens the door to reveal an endless room full of beautifully wrapped gifts. 

She notices that some of the gifts have her name on them and asks St. Peter why she never received these gifts.  He tells her that these gifts did arrive in different forms.  They may have been a person, an event, or something else but she ignored the gift. 

This is just a made up story, but I felt that this was a great example of how we need to take care with the people that we meet and the events of our lives.  We never know when we are being presented a special gift from God.

Martha - All Stressed Out!

Have you ever felt nervous... fidgety...  on edge...  cranky?  Sort of like your life was falling apart and you were losing control?  Even though you knew it and you didn't want to act the way you were, did you keep on stomping through your day, lashing out at anybody and everybody who crossed your path such as your parents, your brother or sister, your friends, or someone else?

I have experienced many days like this in my life.  We are not alone.  There are many an example of woman experiencing this feeling in the bible.  One example is Martha.  Martha was a friend of Jesus.and after studying her a little you will realize she too got too worked up.

Let's look at the story of Martha to see what exactly it was that sent her "over the edge".

Now Jesus and his disciples were coming to her house.  When I think about this, sure this is enough to send any woman over the edge.  Imagine Jesus coming to your house.  Just like Martha, I can imagine myself worrying about serving Jesus and having my house in perfect order for his visit.   Through her efforts to serve and work, Martha failed to just stop and enjoy Jesus and worship Him.

We see that Martha's busyness and neglect of her spiritual life showed as she was stomping through her day, stomping through her kitchen, the dining room, and the family room.  She even lashed out at her sister, Mary....sound familiar?  Does to me.  After all this stressed built to a point she couldn't handle it any more she lashed out at Jesus!  Can you believe it?

Martha was definitely out of control.  This led to what many of us see in our daily lives and others lives as well...saying things we shouldn't say, blaming others for our awful condition, bossing everyone around, comparing the amount of work we do to the work of others.

Now let's turn to the scriptures and let God speak to our heart...

Luke 10: 38 - 42

38 Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house.   39 And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus' feet, and heard his word.   40 But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.  41 And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:   42 But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

Both sisters loved Jesus and both served Him.  But we see a stark difference in their behaviors, which reveals something about what was going on in their hearts at the time.

Mary loved serving the Lord, but she loved listening to Him as well.  In the second Jesus started talking. Mary stopped!  Her service came to a halt and she set her serving dishes to the side and took a seat at Jesus' feet so she could listen to Him.  Mary demonstrated a heart devoted to God by hearing His words and worshipping Him.  In a sense, she was obsessed with Jesus.  Mary shows us that she knew when and how to make the choice to stop all the busyness of her life and spend time with God.

So how do we become a woman like Mary...a woman after God's own heart?

1.  Choose to spend time with God.

    say NO to some time watching TV,
    say NO to some time on the telephone
    say NO to some time with friends,
    say NO to some time in the mall, in order to
    say YES to some time with God.

2.  Choose God's ways at every opportunity

3.  Commit yourself to God daily.
     Make a daily, definite, audible dedication of yourself to God.  Say it out loud -- "Lord, today I give myself anew to you"

4.  Cultivate a hot heart -- God has a few things to say to us in Revelation 3:15-16 about our heart condition.

15 I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.   16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.

coldhearted - unemotional, unconscious of God
lukewarm - indifferent
hot-hearted - the heat of your heart and emotion reaches a high temperature.  Passion, emotion, excitement!

Now, what is your heart's desire ...  and your heart's temperature toward God?

Jacob, God's elected one

Genesis 25:21-28

And Isaac entreated the LORD for his wife, because she was barren: and the LORD was entreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived.  And the children struggled together within her; and she said, If it be so, why am I thus? And she went to inquire of the LORD.  And the LORD said unto her, Two nations are in thy womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels; and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder shall serve the younger.  And when her days to be delivered were fulfilled, behold, there were twins in her womb.  And the first was born red, all over like an hairy garment; and they called his name Esau.  And after that was born his brother, and his hand took hold on Esau’s heel; and his name was called Jacob: and Isaac was threescore years old when she bare them.  And the boys grew: and Esau was a cunning hunter, a man of the field; and Jacob was a plain man, dwelling in tents.  And Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison: but Rebekah loved Jacob.

Now when you read these chapters and follow through these stories, you will find that the Bible is as up to date and as modern and as pertinent to our life as this morning’s newspaper. These people in their lives, their troubles, their rebellions, their contact with God, they are just as we are: people just like us.

Jacob spent most of his life an exile, away from home, a stranger in a strange land. Yet he was possessed with an inalienable affection for the land of his fathers. And when he died, he asked to be taken back to be buried in the land promised to Abraham and to Isaac.

Jacob speaks to us in the failures of his life. He is so all together human with flaws in his character, with weaknesses in his soul, with all kinds of derelictions and faults and failures in his life.

Now what does that mean, when God elects Jacob and God does not elect and choose Esau? To what was Jacob elected, and what is this great purpose of God in election?   He was elected to disciplinary love; he was elected to the rod and the chastening of Almighty God.

When his brother Jacob, family and nation, were groaning in slavery in Egypt, Esau’s family, the Edomites, were in the glory of their wealth and their power. Esau is the very sign of power, of success, of affluence. All the days of his life he spent in wealth and in power and in prestige. He was one of the great chieftains, one of the great sheiks of all time.

Had you been looking at heaven’s favorite, you would have selected Esau, a man who walked in the glory of this world, and in the power of this life.

His brother Jacob spent his young days in exile. He spent his maturity as the hireling of a kinsman. He spent his old days a stranger in a strange land. And he came down to the grave in sorrow and in tears. Yet God loved Jacob, and God loved Israel, and God elected Jacob, and God blessed Israel.

God has chosen us to bear His spiritual responsibilities, support the church, and to pray for the lost.

He hath chosen us to be dedicated in our lives.

The disciplines and the fires through which Jacob passed are the disciplinary fires that burn the dross out of our lives, and make us strong and great, as we walk before the Lord. Edom dies with the dying world; but Jacob, Israel, is in God’s house forever, is blessed and made a blessing. The election of God. He hath called us.